Ill Eagle
by Natvv
Summary: Max the rapper. She's Ill Eagle, and she's fly. Utter randomness, read at your own risk. Extremely OOC. Hopefully hilarious . R&R for an autographed copy of her first album, "I'm So Fly, Yo Taco" OneShot


**A/N This is what an afternoon of MLIA and misspelling of "raped" creates.**

**I present to you:: THE ONE AND ONLY::ILL EAGLE !!**

* * *

_"Yo yo yo, you be trippin all up in ma grill yo. Wurdd,"_the television said in a slight rhythm that was there if you listened **very **closely.

"What the Hell is this shit?" Iggy asked.

"I am extremely offended, Iggy, this is my big break as a bird kid," Max said.

"Uhh, Max? Are you insane?" Iggy asked . . . again.

"Ma name be Ill Eagle, yo. I'm so fly," Max replied in a gangsta voice.

_"And if you lick mah muffin I'll parachute your fudge...wurdd..."_

"You know you're not a very good rapper," Total dared to say.

"YOU BE TRIPPIN', FOOL!!" Max--err--Ill Eagle shouted in reply.

_"Ill Eagle be me, yo, I'm so fly ya better believe I be livin' the pie day by chip wurd yo dawg,"_

Fang walked into the room and stared (very adoringly) at the screen. He blinked. "...I'm sorry Max, but I'm leaving you for Ill Eagle..."

"Ill Eagle be me, 'cos I'm so fly!" Max shouted back at him.

Fang opened his mouth, but then--

_"I gotcho sandwich in my handbag and a watergun in yo pants!!!"_

He continues, "...Um, where is this song going, exactly?"

"To yo fly, Fang. And I don't mean the insect," Max holla'ed back.

_"B-A-N-A-N-A-S !! But I ain't no Gwen Stefani 'cos she can't fly like my fly ass 'cos I be Ill Eagle, yo, I'll tripp yo baggy ass any day of thee papaya."_

Awkward silence loudly filled the room.

_"FUCK YOU YO!! 'Cos you be trippin' and I'mma letcha finish but the turkey can't wait for the sexy beast of papaya land and the butter up in yerr nuts."_

"...Is there more...?" Iggy asked Max, almost worried that there would be.

_"I enjoy hamster bagels and that's no lie, if you rape my cell phone I'll camel your thigh!!!"_

"Society is . . . well, quite frankly it's shit," Total said, while walking by casually.

_"Salt be yo only weapon in this war on the soul and you be sold on my kidney when we wake up in Oregon!"_

Fang drooled at the screen...**almost **metaphorically.

_"But no man gets this hot shit of the one and only Ill Eagle, except the one and only Hot Fang. 'Cos he be not trippin' like notcho mother yo mommafaced nacho!"_

Fang jumped up and down happily, "Ill Eagle is mine! Yay!"

"Is this rap song interactive?? Crap!" Iggy left the room, freaked out and unable to wait until it was over.

_"'Cos no camel can show his ass the way I see him winding and grindin' up on that cloud, I know he sees me lookin' at him and he already knows, I wanna...get the best of both worlds! Chill it out, take it slow, then you FUCK UP A PINEAPPLE!!!"_

Max nodded proudly. "And dat's mah shit, dawg,"

"I want you to bear my children!" Fang shouted, collapsing to his knees at Max's feet, "That was so . . . poetic. I lurvve you!"

"Stud muffin."

*insert Total's retching sounds here*

"Is it over?" Nudge said excitedly.

"Yeah, fool, but there be more on my music video DVD! I'll be puttin' it in them there DVD player now, yo, dawg," Ill Eagle/Max said.

"Oh my God, there's gonna be more??" Iggy had just walked back in, but turned around and fled madly from this crime scene.

Max then gangsta-ly walked to the TV, and popped in her DVD.

_"Yo yo yo, yhuu be my sexy potato, and you ain't no tomato, 'cos they be trippin' to the New Zealand yahh Kiwi."_

Just as the "good" rap began again, a mysterious potato hit the television set.

"What the---" Max cried, "Mah mad tunes were all up in yo fly hood dawg, where they go, G?!"

Fang then cleansed the TV of the potato guts with his tongue. He then developed a new power to create glass, so he used it to repair his precious Ill Eagle's television.

_"Then the cup popped my cherry and his wiener blew up!!!"_

Nudge then threw her potato chips to the floor, and stormed out of the room, utterly scarred.

_"'Cos no matter what you do to dahh Asian Kid, eight five five will still be all over the AKLlama, 'cos yahh can't shake her off like zee dog slobber on yo hand...yo...dawg...."_

Angel woke up and stumbled out into the main room. She saw the TV, and screamed in horror. . . in her mind, at least. "Um, Max? Why are you doing this? Was it on purpose?"

"Yo, it just be my love child with tightness, mannnn," Ill Eagle slurred back.

"Are you drunk, Max?"

Max looked horrified, "The name be Ill Eagle, yo! I be fly! And I be sober, it's you that be trippin' with a pie in the sky, Ange-dawg."

_"Leg in the air you take a purple whizz on the chair damn yo the speakers be blarin' it be a Zebra Sauce song, 'cos she be a tight singer, yo, and yo can yo yo yo up a wurdd wurdd wurdd 'cos that be tight tight tight, when you die."_

"And that flyy track be available on iTunes, fools," Ill Eagle said.

_"This next song be a slower track, yo, so I'mma be goin' a bit singier and less rappier on it, yo."_

Fang cheered madly.

_"Ohhhhhhhh my pineapple, my love, the pineapple, it be sexed up to yo tranny momma, I love yo pineapple,"_ Ill Eagle was blaring through the speakers, her voice sounded absolutely terrible singing.

"MY EARS!! THEY BLEED!!" Angel shouted in pain.

Fang lit a lighter and swayed with it rhythmically.

"This song's dedicated to you, Fang, I lurve you. You be the pineapple, yo," Max said, making lovey eyes at Fang.

"You know, Fang, it's times like these that make me reeeeally wanna headslap you..." Total threatened.

The song started to continue, but then the speakers spontaniously combusted, leaving everyone except Ill Eagle/Max and Fang cheering.

Fang collapsed to the ground, his body convulsing with sobs.

They then roasted marshmallows on the flaming stereo remains.

----Epilogue----

Ill Eagle's hit single, "Llama Papaya Love" hit the #1 spot on the Billboard charts.

Fang went on to be featured in many of her songs.

Iggy is their biggest hater, yo. According to Ill Eagle herself, he be trippin'.

Gazzy was never in this story, and thus leads a happy life.

Nudge and Angel went on to be mega-models, which is a breed **above **supermodel, invented just for them. They [against their wills] went on to model on Ill Eagle album covers. Much, much, later, in their thirties, they become strippers. Their stripper names were "The Demonic SexAngel" and "NudeNudge"

Total . . . well, nobody really knows where he is.

* * *

**A/N So now the eternity old question, "What do you get when you mix Nat, her friend Ally, a night without sleep, MLIAs, YouTube, a misspelling of 'raped'"**

**In a way that's also everyone's worst nightmare.**


End file.
